Gender Determination

In the past there was no decision to be made: to find out the sex of the baby or not. There was simply no way for it to be done. The ultrasound machine wasn't invented until the 1960's so up until that time, if you wanted to know what you were having you simply had to wait for the big day or rely on the old wives tales for gender determination. There are the basic myths: if you're carrying low it's a girl, high it's a boy (I've also heard the reverse). If you're carrying any differently than your first child it's the opposite sex as the first child. If you put a needle or wedding ring on a string above your hand or belly and it moves in circles it's a girl or back and forth, it's a boy. If you're pregnant for the second time and your whole pregnancy is very different from your first pregnancy than it's the opposite sex as your first child. There are many other myths due to pregnancy but those are the only one's I can think of regarding gender determination.

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I have described my pregnancy to many people and since my husband and I have chosen not to find out what the sex of our second baby is, most people feel the need to guess. The myths above are the most common one's used to determine what my child is and there is even one guy I work with who can not only tell you that you're pregnant, but he will also guess the gender of the baby, the due day and be right on point. I have yet to meet him since he works in a different office for the company, but that would be interesting.

In fact this whole process of gender determination is interesting to me. Why do we want to know so badly? Why it is so hard for us to keep this secret until the child is born, like we used to? Most women or couples in modern times have to know as soon as possible. In fact, of all the pregnant women that I know presently (and there are several) I was the only one who decided not to find out. The most common reply I received was: "Oh I could never do that! I had to know!" Why did she have to know?

I speculate that it's a comfort and control thing. If you know what you're having you can plan better and thus assert more control over the situation equaling more comfort for the mother to be. Plus, you get to tell everyone early and than they can plan what they buy for you more precisely. Comfort and Control for everyone. My family is very giving, but because no one knows what the baby is going to be, they have not purchased a single article of clothing for this new child (not even a plain white onesie!) simply because they don't know whether to buy the frilly pink dress or the miniature converse all-stars. They're uncomfortable buying clothes for a baby of undetermined gender.

It seems to confuse people nowadays when you don't do the gender determination thing. They expect you to find out. Some people are rather encouraging towards our decision however and they become our instant cheerleader when we tell them we're expecting a surprise. Most of these people are older than us, wiser than us, and they're glad we're doing things the "old fashioned way". It seems to give them hope that not all of the traditions of yesterday are gone or changed; that some things really will stay the same. It's a level of comfort for them and I'm happy to give it to them. I've learned to tell the two personalities apart and I look forward to the moment when I can tell the grandmother ahead of me in the checkout line that we've decided not to find out what we were having so we can be surprised. Her cheeky grin lifts my spirits every time. It's a moment of comfort for me. That's how I've come to see gender determination on both sides of the fence: as a level of comfort. No matter which way you go, you go with what is most comfortable to you.

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