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April 26, 2015

Sexual Positions During Pregnancy

If you're reading this article, you're probably pregnant; and if you're pregnant then the chances are, you've had sex. If you've had sex you understand how great (and sometimes not so great) it can be, but you more than likely would like to keep this act of romance in your life throughout your pregnancy.

There are some key elements to the hobby of having sex and the biggest element, aside from the mood of the woman, is what position in which you plan to enjoy yourself. This determines how long the act itself will be, if she will be comfortable, if he is willing, and it is determined by where you happen to be when you both get that carnal look in your eyes. There are many sexual positions in life, this we know, but what some of us are just learning is that the sexual positions during pregnancy are a whole other universe. These are the same tried and true positions we have been using for years and yet during pregnancy they become so foreign or just plain uncomfortable that we can't bare to do them for even a few minutes because we suddenly require extra pillows under our backs and we have to watch our husbands roll their eyes while we adjust and make him wait when he was good and ready two minutes ago, which we all know can be a lifetime to the man.

This is the part where I'd suggest some sexual positions to try during your pregnancy but the thing is: I don't have any.

Missionary is good and dandy in the beginning but as the weeks flew by I had to pile two pillows under my butt just to be somewhat comfortable and lifted off the bed and that didn't work to well for him. It's kind of a mood killer to watch your enlarged mate roll back and forth as she tugs at these pillows, grunting and struggling to achieve some sort of comfort where she can be intimate. It was my experience that most of the time, by the time I was ready to pitch, the batter was back in the dugout.

On all fours (or more commonly known as Doggy) is still good, when we're actually in the mood for it, so here's one that can work when you are and are not creating life.

Cowgirl is a challenge as you develop more roundness and in the 3rd trimester it's pretty much impossible because your pelvis begins to hurt from your legs being so far apart at such a weird angle. At least it did for me, but this is from a woman who hasn't had sex in 4 weeks because the slightest bit of un-comfort turns me off. I don't wear high heeled shoes that hurt my feet, I don't cinch my waist with fashionable belts and I don't sacrifice comfort for pleasure of any kind; unless I have to sit uncomfortably whilst eating a piece of double chocolate cake. That I will sacrifice for when I'm 8 months pregnant and all I want is that creamy frosting.

Side by Side seems to work best for most women who are willing to reveal this kind of information to me, mainly because the belly is removed from the middle of the situation and can be dealt with by simply placing a pillow underneath it which takes relatively no time or effort to obtain great pleasure. The only problem that remains with this fourth sexual position during pregnancy is the endowment of the man and the thickness of the rear of the woman. Will they be proportionate to each other? My husband and I are not. I am a candidate for Sir Mix A Lot's "Baby Got Back" video and although I have no complaints, the last time I checked he wasn't a Clydesdale. The two do not jive to achieve maximum pleasure in this position.

I have little hope to offer you my spawning sisters. Sexual positions during pregnancy are an enigma, a riddle, a puzzle that I'm sure some swami has written about in an ancient text somewhere and we have yet to discover it. I suppose this is where one of the biggest life lessons comes into play and you just have to accept it, especially if you really want such good pleasure: If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. You'll find what's right for you, or eventually you'll give up, make peace with it and find yourself a piece of cake, like I did.

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