What is his problem? What is his problem?
Sex during pregnancy

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What's His Problem?

There are many mysteries I have discovered in life: The illusive thong panties (should they ride up or stay put?), the uncanny way my mother knows just what to say or children who wait to go to the bathroom until after we leave the place that actually had a bathroom so now they have to pee on the side of the road, just to name a few. But one of the most profound mysteries that I've stumbled on is the inner workings of sex during pregnancy and how it reversely affects the sex driven brain of the man I love the most.

Pre-Baby number two my husband and I had a very healthy sex life. We perfected our craft nearly everyday. After the first baby our drive did not slow down and the only reason we didn't have many more children was because I'd been on the wonderful invention of birth control for 6 years. During the first pregnancy our sex life was in full swing until I got to be as round as a Ferris wheel and it was almost impossible, almost. But something happened during pregnancy number two that I didn't understand. In the first trimester nothing changed. The second trimester showed signs of slowing but an effort was made. Then it seemed almost overnight that sex during pregnancy had become the black plague. He didn't want to initiate it, deal with the mechanics of it or face my newly changed body (giant areolas, the darkening pregnancy line, my stretched out belly). He didn't even want to enjoy it, which for someone with his libido is not normal. This is a man who LIVES to enjoy IT. Thoughts of adultery began to sprout: was there another woman? Have I become so large that I'm nothing to him physically? Is this normal? He was not having an affair but I still couldn't comprehend exactly what had happened, to him or to me. Where had the enjoyment gone?

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Sure he enjoyed it when I gave him his pleasures, which was so often that I felt like a stewardess asking my passengers if they needed anything (peanuts, pillows, late night BJ's anyone?). When it came to my pleasure he passed, simply saying "Right now? I'm tired and you take longer than me." It's a wonder I was sane enough to know that if I killed him for his selfishness I would have to take care of the new baby by myself and there would be no one else to change diapers. So I did what most women do and found a moment of joy when no one else was home. But it wasn't the same. I wanted the passion not just the release. This amazing act that was once sex during pregnancy in abundance had become a torment. I knew we had to talk about it and it was a talk I was dreading. You see, I already knew what he was going to say. He is a very honest man and I knew I'd end up crying at some point. I was of course, almost word for word, right.

"Do you know how long it's been since we've had sex babe?"
"Longer than we normally go."
"Well honey, I see you naked and the first thing I see are your huge areolas. I mean they're as big as targets! I think "those are the baby's not mine" and that's not pleasurable. Then I think about how it would be going towards the baby and that's just weird. Your stomach is big and it's just not the same."
Long pause.

"Oh." This is where I cried.
Sobbing I say: "I know...I'm not as attractive...to you...as before..."
He hugs me and says: "Honey, you're still attractive to me."
"Of course. I love you baby...but your body has changed. I just don't have the desire right now. It'll come back."
I start crying harder when I hear "but..."
"Baby, come on. This won't last forever. You being pregnant with my baby make me love you so much more. You're what I want, just not physically."

I start laughing as he quickly adds "I love you" because I know he doesn't want to hurt me, but I know he'd never hide his feelings from me, which is one reason I married him. He tells it like it is and I love him for that. After our sex during pregnancy talk, which lasted maybe five minutes, I feel comforted. We make the bed together; say good night and fall asleep, with no sex. There probably won't be any for the rest of my pregnancy. And I'm okay with that.

I didn't really want to do it anyway.

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